Happy Birthday????
My Darling Son, George,
On April 23, 2018, you would have reached the age of 50. Such a milestone for it is at that point in life, that one reflects, measures what success has been achieved and, most importantly, proudly admires and loves the family that one created.
You, George, will not see any of those moments. By now, your two oldest children are adults. They would have benefited so much from your love, guidance and wisdom. Oh, they have had love and guidance, but they missed that special ability you had to impart loving gems. Your wacky humor, amazing physical strength, Greek pride, grounded values and simple goodness.
Yes, they needed you, George, and they will never receive the gifts you could have given. And the two youngest, they are now magnificent giants, as you were, but so young when you died, that they will have only few memories but no depth of understanding of who you really were.
It has been five years since you died. I really don't have any idea of how those years have flown. I know that I speak to you every morning and night, dream of you often but still fall into despair and tears in those dreams. I am so sad that we will make no new memories. The ones that I have, are fading with time. Only the pain of your loss is still strong. It is like I wear a second skin under my visible one. You are there always,
I thought that I had come to some acceptance of your death. I seemed to be a somewhat normal person, although more short of temper, tolerance as well as less joyful. I lied to myself. A mother does not lose a son such as you, and remain the same person as before. I use to delight in hearing your voice, knowing that you were busy with your family, happy in your work. Now, too often, I remember only the years, days, hours of your suffering. I know that is not what you wanted for me, but neither of us knew how I would be.
MS has not been cured since you died. You were right about that. And, the men with whom you had friendships, through the misfortune of having MS, are now quadriplegics. You determined that was not the life that you wanted. So, George, you were right in many ways and courageously strong in your knowledge of yourself.
I have written so many words in the vocabulary of love and pain. I just don't have any more to use. I look at your photo on my wall and call you "my laughing boy". That's who you were. You loved to be a crazy joker, excited over a great sandwich, happy to shovel snow, wash your truck and hug your kids. You were a fun guy, George.
Above all, you were a sweet, brave, honest, honorable man. What a man. And, I will think of you as I take my last breath. I love you.
My Darling Son, George,
On April 23, 2018, you would have reached the age of 50. Such a milestone for it is at that point in life, that one reflects, measures what success has been achieved and, most importantly, proudly admires and loves the family that one created.
You, George, will not see any of those moments. By now, your two oldest children are adults. They would have benefited so much from your love, guidance and wisdom. Oh, they have had love and guidance, but they missed that special ability you had to impart loving gems. Your wacky humor, amazing physical strength, Greek pride, grounded values and simple goodness.
Yes, they needed you, George, and they will never receive the gifts you could have given. And the two youngest, they are now magnificent giants, as you were, but so young when you died, that they will have only few memories but no depth of understanding of who you really were.
It has been five years since you died. I really don't have any idea of how those years have flown. I know that I speak to you every morning and night, dream of you often but still fall into despair and tears in those dreams. I am so sad that we will make no new memories. The ones that I have, are fading with time. Only the pain of your loss is still strong. It is like I wear a second skin under my visible one. You are there always,
I thought that I had come to some acceptance of your death. I seemed to be a somewhat normal person, although more short of temper, tolerance as well as less joyful. I lied to myself. A mother does not lose a son such as you, and remain the same person as before. I use to delight in hearing your voice, knowing that you were busy with your family, happy in your work. Now, too often, I remember only the years, days, hours of your suffering. I know that is not what you wanted for me, but neither of us knew how I would be.
MS has not been cured since you died. You were right about that. And, the men with whom you had friendships, through the misfortune of having MS, are now quadriplegics. You determined that was not the life that you wanted. So, George, you were right in many ways and courageously strong in your knowledge of yourself.
I have written so many words in the vocabulary of love and pain. I just don't have any more to use. I look at your photo on my wall and call you "my laughing boy". That's who you were. You loved to be a crazy joker, excited over a great sandwich, happy to shovel snow, wash your truck and hug your kids. You were a fun guy, George.
Above all, you were a sweet, brave, honest, honorable man. What a man. And, I will think of you as I take my last breath. I love you.
